Entry 18- Hey look at me!

Today is June 9th and I have traveled to Baltimore, go Soxs, celebrated Jem's 20th birthday, and celebrated Suz's and mine 34th anniversary. No alligator wrestling yet but the summer has not started. Retirement looms in 8 days and I have mixed feelings. I've been working since I was 15 so it will be a big transition. The idea of lounging on the couch watching reality television leaves me cold. Travel with your Mom will depend on my health. I hope you have gotten my message not to defer joy. Life is far too unpredictable and fragile to do long term planning for everything. If life gives you the opportunity to be happy be gratefully enthusiastic. The "what ifs" of our lives are very unsatisfactory. I read somewhere that God loves His children the most when they are at play. That might be why Mass is called a celebration. This is not meant as an endorsement of a life devoid of service. There really is joy in helping others. I already know you three "get it" though. I got a great pre-Father's Day gift from Zach and EJ. Its a book with tons of Father questions.I'm not sure why I didn't finish this blog but its now July 24th the morning after my retirement party. Suz and the kids worked like crazed peasants to give me a wonderful party. Over the course of 5 hours about 100 people came to the house. These gatherings are my principal joy now. The trip to South Dakota was a lot of fun. I so wanted the kids to see their cousins again. I am so living on borrowed time trying to instruct and share while I can. My last scans were good but my life is a dance on the thinnest of ice. It does wonderfully focus my mind. I guess there is a temptation to be complacent and ride the river of denial. How much will I yet get to see, feel, hear, and taste? At some point these blogs will be an echo of me for you kids.Its the best I can do. I've tried to spend more time with you all. I know some of these times you'd rather be with friends but they will be here long after me. I remember when my Dad was dying how much I wanted him to be with me. He and I really were/are not very much alike. So I'll keep insisting you see a movie with me, or go out for lunch, or sit and talk with me. I refuse to dance into the night with that particular regret. I promise its a gift that you will cherish someday. Aloha, Dad