at a volcanic caldera in Costa Rica, 3/08. One of the last pictures of me as a quadriped.O.K. calling '06 to now the Big Suck Years is a slight exaggeration but not by much..lol. There were some truly great times. Your graduations, EJ and Zach's wedding, lots of baseball games, family gatherings, vacations, and holidays. The bad stuff though begins with an innocuous game of catch that Jem and I had in front of our house in the fall of '05. I threw him a long high ball and felt a tightness in my right shoulder. That's the last really good chuck of my life. ...dang..dang. My shoulder felt sore and I was worried that I had torn my rotator cuff. It got progressively worse through the winter. I had a series of x-rays and an MRI which revealed a mass in my right shoulder. So it begins...you all lived through it with me so I don't think the details would be all that interesting for you, or in text talk 4 u. Suffice it to say your Dad had a mixoid malignant tumor, extremely rare as in five in the whole world tumor registry. I learned that this persistent sucker could survive surgery and radiation. I am hoping it is less resistant to chemotherapy. Life does go on despite multiple hospitalizations, a litany of symptoms, and mini-crises. Your Mom has been incredibly supportive throughout it all. My survivor four years have featured five major surgeries, five weeks of radiation, and rounds of chemotherapy. The first half, '06-'08, was relatively easy in retrospect. I had two years of good health with only minimal impairment. The last two years have challenged my will, beliefs, and dreams. Does adversity make you a better person? I'd say maybe depending on how you approach it. Attitude shapes your responses, humor softens the blows, and LOVE sustains you. All in all I'd rather have had a fashion crisis:-) I won't write much about Zach's Big Suck. That brought me figuratively and literally to my knees. Anyone who says that he/she have no fears is either delusional or brain damaged. His illness scared me to the bone. Thank God he is now well. As I mentioned before even in the worst of circumstances there can be wonderful moments. Zach's graduation from Vet. school, his thrilling marriage to EJ, Jeremy's graduation from high school, Julia singing at her own graduation, truly lovely, my Baptism, Suz and my "re commitment" ceremony at St. Patrick's Church, our family trips to San Francisco and Washington, D.C., Jeremy and Julia beginning college, and on and on. I praise God that I have shared these moments with you all. Its April 17, 2010 and I still hunger for life. There is so much to see, hear, and feel. My fate is a mystery to me. When you survive crises you are grateful but cautious. I am still that seventeen yr. old runner, pushing himself, embracing the speed, exhaustion, and joy. I am still that 35 yr. old man galloping a horse down Crane's Beach. I am still that 24 yr. old kissing your mother for the first, expectant time. I am still the 41 yr. old hugging his three precious children. All these memories, collective feelings are alive within me. I have loved and love my life. My journey has been blessed with wonderful people and experiences. I have seen sunrise on mountain peaks, laughed so hard that I fell down, heard my daughter's beautiful voice, seen Jeremy move like liquid energy on the dance floor, felt Zach's fiercely warm hug when I so needed it, laughed as I sprawled from a "garage sale" on the slopes, read "I do like green eggs and ham said Sam I am" to my kids, snuggled with Suz under the blankets on cold winter nights, read and read and read, my doorway to adventures, mysteries, and knowledge, and prayed with my children while my wife's choir lifted our spirits. I hope these blog entries have given you some perspective of who your father was and is. Life, at its best is transformative. We live and we change. Hopefully more wiser, kinder, and loving. Suz you and the kids are my everything. I pray you always remember our shared joys. Sweet Dreams kids, dream big and vividly, Dad.
Now what to write about?!
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